The night he ended it with me, I felt free for some reason. I didn’t cry like I usually did. I didn’t beg to work things out. I sat my phone down and smiled like I finally had found the peace I had been looking for. I ask myself all the time, how did I get to that point? What made me detach myself from my ex so easily?
That whole year with him I had been trying to push myself to walk away but I couldn’t, then all of a sudden it became that easy? The only thing that I can tell you that played a big part in this is PRAYER. Yes sis! PRAYER! 2 week’s before all of this occurred, I remember asking God to remove all the people around me that weren’t meant to be around me. Probably the most scariest prayer I’ve ever prayed in my life. I knew finding out these things was gonna break my heart, but I needed to know. I needed to move on. I knew it would hurt, so I asked God to remove these people out of my life without me even realizing it, without any attachment left. 2 week’s before I finally called this off with him, his phone got cut off! Which meant no more frequent text or calls, we talked but not a lot. It was kinda like I was winging myself off of him, I was becoming detached. I started doing more things on my own, focusing on me, spending more time with God. I could sleep peacefully at night knowing I didn’t have to argue the next day.
At this point, I wanted to leave but I didn’t wanna hurt his feelings, so I was basically waiting on him to go off which was something that was normal for us. He finally did what I had been waiting for, before I would just let him yell at me, but this time sis I let him know I was completely done and I hung up. I had never felt so free ever in my life.
The real test was if he called back a week later would I forgive him? I’m so proud to say that I didn’t. That was my very first relationship, I didn’t know a lot about love, but I knew that love wasn’t suppose to beat you down and make you feel less than. Love isn’t suppose to make you question your worth. The next day I went to church, and this man confirmed to me that what I was doing was right. His exact words were “You saw his true colors, and you left..Now you don’t have to worry about that distraction in your life anymore, just don’t get distracted again!”
You’re probably wondering “Ashanti why did you tell us this story?” Because a lot of times us ladies wanna be Holy Ghost jr. We date these guys and we think we can fix them, but in reality we’re breaking ourselves. God didn’t intend for you to love someone so much that you lose yourself. He wants you to have someone that will add to you. We gotta stop going out tryna find our husband, that’s not your job! The Bible’s says in Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.” Your man is out there, and when he finds you, you will be his precious gift from God! He will admire you and love you the way God intended for it to be. I love you💕